August 01, 2005
Mohammed's bait and switch
I've spent a great portion of the weekend reading up on Islamic terrorism. A number of the things I've come across focus on why Islamic militants hate the United States. There are a lot of theories about it, running the gamut from "we deserve it" to "they're evil crazy people." One common thread that's mentioned by both sides of that argument is that the young men who are blasting themselves to bits will benefit from the presence of 72 houris after their "Martyrdom."
For those of you with less free time than me (that's all of you except Ripley, who managed to buy somebody else's free time on E-Bay through a process that still perplexes me) a houri is a female spirit from Islamic Heaven, usually described as a beautiful virgin. Supposedly any Muslim that offs himself by becoming a holy hand grenade is rapidly moved to Heaven where he is given a nice house, 80,000 regular servants, and double handful of eager houris to occupy his now ample (even more than Ripley) free time. He presumably gets to spend his days in luxury cavorting with his new harem. While the Koran fails to spell out a specific day by day plan it's not too hard to imagine a typical young man's preference.
And that's the rub, pardon the pun. One of the tenets of Islam is that Heaven, when achieved, is perfect and unchanging. In a premise very similar to the Christian ideal Heaven is a "Land of Milk and Honey" forever unchanging in absolute perfection. Which leads to a problem for any stick of Muslim dynamite that blasts his way into Heaven (its like building a tunnel really, use more explosives get to the other side faster, right?). His houris have been waiting for him in Heaven where they are already a part of this unceasing perfection. They, by the time Sparky arrives, are part of his unchanging perfect eternity. Since they start out as "beautiful virgins" no matter what they decide to do for eternity they are going to remain beautiful virgins.
That probably takes some of the appeal out of having them around; at least it would cool my ardor for self immolation. Not that its all bad, 72 industrious Muslim women could probably make a lot of sneakers in a sweatshop environment, if there is in fact a need for additional Nike's in Heaven. Also, our lucky terrorist will never lack for somebody to play board games with. Regardless I think the number of suicide bombers might decrease if the truth was revealed and the pitch line was changed to "blast yourself into an eternity of Checkers and frustration."
Posted by DjDuk at August 1, 2005 02:25 AM
After reading this post I really don't know what to say. I don't like people (Read my up-coming post) but...well, now that I think about it. I was all shocked by Duk's post and ready to say "he’s gone to far!"...but now that I think about it. I'm all for blowing your self up as long is you don't hurt me doing so. So you’ll be stuck in a PG rated dating sim for the rest of time, who cares! You helped achieve victory agents the evil empire (and the rebellion might give you a gold metal). People kill them seal’s all the time (and for all you smug little hypercritical fools out there, I’m talking about smoking and taking drugs, as well as a more direct approach) and at least you look cool doing so, more so then the old jump off the bridge tactic.
So now we are both on the government watch list I’m going to watch for the black helicopters!
Posted by: Bailey at August 1, 2005 04:24 PM
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