DJ Duk

April 05, 2006

Good works

People are always coming to me for advice. Everybody wants to know how DJ Duk would do it. Well, rest easy, gentle readers, for now I answer one of the eager questions asked of me. Who knows, maybe your question will be next.

Dear DJ Duk,

What is the best way to remove spilled food from your
shirt? I've noticed that when I try and suck it off of
the shirt, it leaves a large spit mark. Sometimes this
doesn't even remove the spill! When attempting this
technique, I also am plagued with little cotton
fuzzies on my tongue. As you can see, this is a huge
problem! Please help!

Sincerely,

Spitty McFuzz

Well Spitty, while I sympathize with your plight, I don't think you're really asking the right question here. All of you mammals, with your fancy teeth and highfalutin lips, shouldn't be spilling any food at all. It took me three years to learn how to eat an orange without all of the juice dribbling onto my feathers. You come and talk to me about eating problems after you've tried to eat a caramel apple with nothing but a bill. I've never heard paramedics laugh so hard. Bastards.
My point is, enjoy your meals. So what if they decorate your shirt for the rest of the day. You never know if your next bite is your last.
On a practical note, if you're going to be chowing down on your clothing you should spend a little more for the springtime fresh laundry detergent. With just a hint of eucalyptus, the difference between those little fuzzies and a tic-tac isn't worth mentioning.

DJ Duk

Posted by DjDuk at April 5, 2006 12:01 AM | TrackBack