DJ Duk

May 09, 2006

Yes Virginia, guns really do kill people!

Scientists now have evidence that individuals are not ultimately responsible for their own actions. This has far reaching ramifications and has already surfaced in various ways in our modern culture. Our litigious nature has enlightened us once again. Some woman didn’t burn herself with McDonald’s coffee. The coffee burned her and it was proven in court. In related news a woman sued a furniture store when she broke her ankle tripping over her son in the store. The arrangement of the furniture was most definitely to blame. Gun manufacturers are fast becoming the target of lawsuits as people realize that the person behind the firearm used to commit a crime is not ultimately responsible. The gun is the problem and the company that made the gun. The coffee burns so the company the made the coffee should face charges. I tripped over my son in a furniture store. The arrangement of the furniture is at fault. I shot and killed somebody with this gun. The gun is to blame.

Guns kill people. The ones who fired them are arbitrary and not important. It could and often does happen to anybody. A gun occasionally jumps into the hands of that innocent guy with a ski mask on in the bank and wreaks havoc. The casual knife fight sometimes gets escalated when a gun rears its ugly muzzle. This notion of personal responsibility, of free will, is biblical and outdated. In a society that constantly bombards us with messages and slogans and advertisements, people can no longer think for themselves. I am amazed that the true perpetrators of gun crime have just now been discovered. They had been hiding in plain sight this whole time. It’s the guns!

The scientists traced the murders to the firearms by starting with the victims. Turns out the causes of death varied. Common reasons were loss of blood or the failure of some vital organ. After causal analysis these fatal wounds were created by bullets that passed into or through the victims’ bodies at some point pre-mortem. The bullet is a fast moving projectile that carries considerable kinetic energy that human bodies are not designed to repel. It took some fact-finding but scientists ascertained that bullets originate from firearms. Firearms were also linked to individuals because the trigger of the weapon needs to be pulled to launch the bullet. However, that link was found to be coincidental. After all, the people wielding the firearms are not responsible for their own actions so the buck stops here, with the guns themselves. Any human involvement was chance and/or unintentional.

Further ammo to clear any wrong doing by people in gun deaths is the fact that guns have occasionally killed people without another person pulling the trigger. There are documented cases of animals pulling the trigger and firearms discharging themselves upon being dropped or rattled. It could be anyone or anything that discharges these malicious and deadly devices.
The study is already being put to good use as people around the world lobby for increased gun control. They realize it is important to get these dangerous devices out of reach of people, animals… or just about anything really.

Posted by Buckaroo Banzai at May 9, 2006 02:46 PM | TrackBack