November 30, 2004
Time Waster
A small, simple game played to kill time. Every Windows computer comes with solitaire and minesweeper, classic time wasters. A few other fun games are; Adventure Quest, a flash based mini-RPG, Warning Forever, a top down shooter that changes based on how you play it, and Platypus, a side scrolling twitch action shooter.
Posted by DjDuk at 11:44 AM | Comments (0)
November 29, 2004
Orwellian language
Using words to mean the exact opposite of their traditional meaning, especially in reference to the actions of a government. The name comes from George Orwell's 1984 and is a reference to the grim, ironic, naming conventions that world used. In the book the "Ministry of Love" was responsible for enforcing the citizen's love of Big Brother through torture, the "Ministry of Truth" would cover up any inconsistency in Big Brother's public pronouncements so that no matter what actually happened when you look back it seems Big Brother is always right and always speaks the truth.
In this day and age most references to Orwellian language come from Noam Chomsky and his supporters. They've actually mastered the complex art of Orwellian meta-language. This is the tricky business of using Orwellian language to invent and condemn the supposed Orwellian language of your adversaries.
Posted by DjDuk at 11:44 AM | Comments (60)
November 28, 2004
Mimes
Those who mime. The mime engages, willfully and deliberately, in the "art form" of mime. Mime is best described as a crime against humanity. It's essentially a combination of interpretive dance (I am a tree!) without music and charades. Any individual who deliberately, repeatedly, and publicly engages in those sorts of behaviors is likely to be disturbed and possibly psychotic. A typical mime wears a black or black and white striped turtleneck sweater. They can most commonly be recognized by the zombie like pallor of their ghastly faces. The pallor of a mime's face is probably psychosomatic and reflects their self loathing. All mimes should be consider armed and annoying and avoided at all reasonable costs.
Posted by DjDuk at 11:44 AM | Comments (588)
November 27, 2004
Oreo
Anything that works better as part of a team. Named for the Nabisco cookie, Oreos have two relatively unappetizing pseudo-chocolate wafers constraining an over-sugary white paste of unknown origin. Each element on its own is at best impalpable but when combined they turn into a surprisingly tasty, confectionary treat. Synergy in action. Anything that exists best as a combination of other, lower order pieces is an Oreo.
My own attempts at Oreos are, traditionally, failures. I once had an idea to combine blaxploitation flicks and H.P. Lovecraft. Cthulu Jones, a brutha elder god keeping the streets clear of The Man by sacrificing him to himself in bloody rituals was born. And quickly exterminated. Some ideas are best left unexplored.
Posted by DjDuk at 11:44 AM | Comments (638)
November 26, 2004
Ninja Pt. 2
A verb this time. To ninja is to remove an object by stealth. "Keep an eye out, I'm gonna ninja one of Jim's donuts." Ninjaed in the past tense. "Dammit! Where’s my donut? Somebody ninjaed my donut."
This seems to run contrary to the ninja definition which indicates ninja's (presumably people who ninja, in addition to the previous definition) tend to be near very conspicuous puffs of smoke. Possibly another reason Duks don't have the talent to be ninjas.
Posted by DjDuk at 11:44 AM | Comments (569)
November 25, 2004
Monopoly
First off, I rock at this game. DJ Duk always wins at Monopoly.
Monopoly is a board game in which players move pieces around the board and attempt to buy "property." Each person begins with a set amount of money and makes more at set intervals. Players can also take money from other players through private transactions and through "rent." Players own "Properties," squares on the board named after places in Atlantic City. If another player lands on a square owned by another player they must pay them "rent." Relatively simple, but fun.
Or... A monopoly is a situation where only one provider exists for a certain product or service. As I support a somewhat Darwinistic type of capitalism I look on monopolies as a generally bad thing. The theory is that when two people both try to sell the same thing people have free choice as to what they buy, products get differentiated, providers have incentive to innovate, prices tend to drop, and failing business ideas are allowed to fail. Thus, unless you happen to be the owner of a failing business, everybody is better off. If only one source of something exists the provider can charge whatever he wants, refuse service to individuals or groups, the provider has no reason to change or update, and instead of serving customers the provider's first priority becomes to maintain his monopoly. In short, monopoly bad. Not that there aren't exceptions to that rule.
Some monopolies are distasteful but necessary and others make sense. A patent is a short term guaranteed monopoly. The purpose is to reward providers who develop new things. Since that provider presumably spent money on his invention it makes sense he be allowed to recoup those expenses and make a profit. If everybody can immediately profit from somebody else's inventions without investing in their development nobody will invent anything.
Electric service is essentially, and must be, a monopoly because of the complexity of the system required to deliver electricity. That's not really a good thing as electric companies aren't truly at the mercy of their customers. In an effort to rein in the potential ill effects of this monopoly the government regulates how electric companies operate. Depending on the level of government involvement this can work reasonably or it can leave the most populated state in the Union suffering from rolling black outs and an election crisis where porn stars and midgets made a serious bid for power and lost out to a weight lifting foreign-born actor.
Then there's the government itself. Most of my issues with the government are that it is the most natural monopoly builder in our society. Almost anything the government does it does as a local monopoly. Briefly, a local monopoly just means that it's the only provider nearby. Sure, if we don't like the government we can go to Canada but it has to be a serious issue to justify moving. Anything the government does it does as a monopoly. Frequently private groups could better provide some of the services the government does but we've allowed the government to start and we can't make it stop. The DMV comes to mind. It's not unreasonable to consider allowing a group of private organizations to license drivers, but the government is entrenched in that business to the point nobody will bother. So we're stuck with long lines, and surly service, and a government law requiring people to buy a minimum of car insurance.
Posted by DjDuk at 03:04 AM | Comments (31)
November 24, 2004
I'm winning
Just an update. I am actually up 46% for the day on PartyPoker.com!!
Posted by Ripley at 02:50 AM | Comments (0)
Good Article
I found this article on Glocktalk. Its worth reading and passing on.
Posted by Ripley at 12:14 AM | Comments (592)
November 23, 2004
Current Pass Time
Ok I admit it, I couldn't think of anything else to post about, except body piercing which makes DJ Duk woosy, so I am posting about what I have been spending my free time doing. Recently I have decided that I am a card player. Namely a poker player. So I thought I would provide some info for the other reader of this site should they wish to play too. I have been playing in two different local free tournaments and I have just tonight started playing online again. My current favorite local tournament is the Denver Poker Tour. This tournament plays 6 days a week at places around the metro area. I like this tour best becuase they have actual dealers. This make the game flow smoother and faster. The other tour is the Nation Wide Poker Tour. This tour plays mainly in Boulder. The one redeaming benefit of this tour is that becuase it is in Boulder no one can smoke. I hate leaving a place and smelling like an ashtray. For those of you who are afraid to venture past your own front door, DJ Duk, take solace, you too can enjoy a good card game online. I am currenly playing on PartyPoker.com. This is where its really at. People are actually making a living playing poker online, mostly taking money from innocnent saps. A huge number of people are being drawn into poker recently due to all the TV coverage it is getting. ESPN follows the World Series of Poker now. If you would like to learn a little before you go online check out this book list on Amazon.com. Well that's all for now. I have to go and win some money back.
Posted by Ripley at 11:59 AM | Comments (1462)
November 22, 2004
Dialectizer
Rinkworks has a thing called the dialectizer that displays the text of a site in the manner you might see it if it were written by slack-jawed yokels. Fun stuff. It gives us the classic "Whut in tarnation about cookies?" ah ax, but th' response is only "Titanium! Fry mah hide!" Also, it replaced rubber chicken with rubber possum, which really is better.
Play with it, its fun.
Posted by DjDuk at 02:36 AM | Comments (601)
Mark Twain
I've come across a number of unkind things that Mark Twain said about the French. As I like Mark Twain, and do not very much like the French, I thought I'd share some.
France has neither winter nor summer nor morals--apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country.
- Mark Twain's Notebook
There is nothing lower than the human race except the French.
- quoted by Carl Dolmetsch, Our Famous Guest
It is human to like to be praised; one can even notice it in the French.
- "What Paul Bourget Thinks of Us"
In certain public indecencies the difference between a dog & a Frenchman is not perceptible.
- Notebook #17, October 1878 - February 1879
France has usually been governed by prostitutes.
- Notebook #18, Feb.- Sept. 1879
French are the connecting link between man & the monkey.
- Notebook #18, Feb.- Sept. 1879
A dead Frenchman has many good qualities, many things to recommend him; many attractions--even innocencies. Why cannot we have more of these?
- Notebook #20, Jan. 1882 - Feb. 1883
Perhaps a bit more militant than I'm used to but fun all the same. All of these quotes were plundered from www.twainquotes.com.
Posted by DjDuk at 02:13 AM | Comments (86)
November 21, 2004
Zanzibar
I actually know nothing about Zanzibar. I think it's a place, but I could be wrong. I just needed a "Z" lexicon entry and this is going to be the placeholder. On a side note since I doubt many other people know much about Zanzibar it's probably a pretty safe lie. Like the Maori. Whenever you need to lie about a place just use Zanzibar, since nobody, I assume, knows anything about it nobody can call your bluff.
Posted by DjDuk at 12:48 AM | Comments (2)
November 20, 2004
Titanium
Number 22 on the periodic table with an atomic weight of 47.90, titanium is a white, largely non-reactive metal, and the ninth most common in the Earth's crust. Titanium is as hard as steal with a fraction of the weight, alternatively, its about 60% heavier than aluminum but twice as hard. Obviously a useful material. Somehow it also became our own Ripley's Holy Grail. The theme seems to be anything worth making is worth making in titanium. "What about cookies?" I ask, but the response is only "Titanium!"
Ripley's love of titanium makes me a bit uncomfortable. Not because of anything improper he's done with it (I've have my suspicions but I've been afraid to ask his girlfriend) but because I don't understand it. I don't even mind not understanding it. There are a lot of things I don't understand, like Chinese, or how to open a bag of potato chips without a disaster. It makes me a bit nervous because I don't understand it along with Bailey. We've talked about it. Neither of us can figure it out. I don't like being ignorant along with Bailey. It occasionally happens but I can fake the sort of sneering superiority that just might mean I have a clue. The Titanium thing took me for a loop. Now I'm forced to wonder, is this what its like to be Bailey?
Posted by DjDuk at 01:12 AM | Comments (6)
November 19, 2004
-ism
I've previously promised a brief list of the "-isms " that keep cropping up in political discourse. Much as I like lying and reneging on promises I thought I'd actually do this, just to keep folks off balance.
Totalitarianism A cynic might say that this is what any government wants to be. Really, totalitarianism means that a country wants to do everything for its people. Sounds kind of good at first glance, but it degrades quickly. The government provides all services, all products, hires all people, handles all commerce, decides who gets married and to whom, raises children, decides what religion people have and how to worship, decides, ultimately, who lives and who dies. The government takes an active role in everything all people within that nation do and the people are expected to be subservient to government. Hitler's Germany and Stalin's Russia we're very close to but not quite ideal totalitarian states. Microsoft is a bit closer for PC users. Totalitarian states have a tendency to want to expand their borders, usually through rampant, unrestrained violence.
Socialism I've covered this at some length previously. Briefly, socialism is an economic system where the state directly controls the economy in addition to whatever else it does.
Communism An enforced single party socialism. Communism is essentially a method of maintaining socialism by restricting political freedoms.
Capitalism An economic system that, at its simplest, lets money itself run an economy. The basic idea is some people have money (or capital, which is basically money by another name) and they want more of it. They then spend that money to do things like open a business. They spend money to make money. Other people who don't start with money work for them and get some money. They then develop their own enterprise and hire others to make more money for themselves. I could say a great deal more about capitalism and I most likely shall later.
Collectivism Any philosophy acknowledging that people are stronger when working together than apart. The downside to most collective ideas is that The Many can and should coerce The Few for the perceived greater good. This puts a real crimp on personal freedoms. Socialism and communism are both types of collectivism.
Chauvinism In its broadest terms the belief of one group that it is better than some other group. Racism (which I won't define here) is a type of chauvinism. In the common usage chauvinism refers to the belief that men are superior in some way to women. This idea does not appear to be genetic because those who profess it are rarely given the chance to breed, except in Alabama.
Fascism Truly not too different than totalitarianism fascism espouses the total dominance of the nation state, both for its own native citizens and for all the others it can capture. Fascism is essentially the Italian word for totalitarianism.
That covers all of the "-isms" I've used on the site. If I've missed anything please let me know.
Posted by DjDuk at 11:44 AM | Comments (1)
November 18, 2004
Random Malice
I've had a miserable week at work last week, more than normal, which is significant. Some girl (I hope it was a girl, I never did find out anything specific about my accuser) accused me of sexual harassment. I spent three days in meetings with HR answering silly questions about who I spoke with and when. I finally got a call today saying that the investigation was closed and was inconclusive. Evidently it was her word against everybody else they interviewed. So, now I'm not innocent according to HR, just not fired for the time being. They were nice enough to let me know that they're keeping an eye on me. So I guess no point for this one, just whining about how some random person's act of malice can make a week seem longer.
Posted by DjDuk at 11:44 AM | Comments (3)
November 17, 2004
Inherently Funny Words
Some words, simply by virtue of their sound and, in some cases, the meaning that goes with it are funny. Cucumber is funny. There's no reason for it to be funny but adding the word cucumber to a joke will get more laughs because of the inherent potential of the word. In my case cucumber is also funny because Karl frequently, and in song, insisted that he was a cucumber.
Some other inherently funny words; shazbot, booyah, rubber chicken. Also any word in Yiddish is inherently funny. Please feel free to add more inherently funny words you can think of at the end of this post.
Posted by DjDuk at 10:18 PM | Comments (613)
November 16, 2004
Cheap Trick (Pt. 3)
Cheap Trick was a band formed in the early 70's. After reading the band's website it appears that they have gone the way of Hasselhoff. They never acheived much success here but were wildly popular in Japan. Both of their first two records went gold there while only one album, the second, even managed to make it on the charts here, at 73. Also as has been stated before, we here at DJ Duk would never resort to cheap tricks simply to fill space.
Posted by Ripley at 11:15 PM | Comments (575)
November 15, 2004
Marshmallow
Normally a benign puffy candy. When heated sufficiently marshmallows become one of mankind's foremost adhesives. The gooey stuff just sticks to everything.
After this evening's activities (photos later) I was forced to spend about 40 minutes cleaning marshmallow from my penguin. That sounds like it might be a euphemism for something else.
"Where's John?"
"He's at home, cleaning his Penguin."
In this case I'm fortunate it was a literal (if stuffed) penguin. Just a little bit of marshmallow gummed it up pretty good.
Posted by DjDuk at 12:27 AM | Comments (609)
November 14, 2004
The Karl Clause
A former coworker of both DJDuk and Ripley, Karl is best described as a unique individual. On many occasions Karl could be heard to rail against the evils of pants. As such Karl was always finding a way to avoid pants. The man wore a dress to work. He was sent home because it was too short. Karl also frequently agitated for an official Toga day. Eventually his wish was granted. After that, any time they have any sort of costume day my company has had to specify that shorts of some sort need to be wore under the toga. The essence of the Karl clause is "wear some damn shorts with your kilt."
Posted by DjDuk at 03:48 AM | Comments (0)
November 13, 2004
Socialism Pt 2
At long last we return to the subject of socialism. Time for the good part, failure.
------------------------------------------------------------------
4. Decline Even the best run socialist utopia eventually begins to crack. The further you get into a centrally controlled economic system the less people have to gain through innovation or entrepreneurship. People's freedom to buy and sell what they choose disappears. Along with the loss of economic control comes a loss of political freedom. No wholly socialist country has ever existed for long without becoming a totalitarian state.
As all labor is considered equal jobs that require additional incentives to attract employees are unable to do so. Unpleasant jobs begin to go unfilled. Few people choose to be garbage collectors when they work at McDonalds for the same pay. The controlling body then must coerce people into these jobs. In the past governments derived from socialism have resorted to putting people in prison who refuse to do the job the government assigns to them. Eventually in some places certain jobs have been made hereditary. If your father was a garbage man you will be to, or else.
The other side of this is skilled labor is made to be equal to unskilled labor. Those people who spend extra time in school to learn a more difficult trade are given the same consideration as our garbage man. Seeing that they end up in the same place people will usually forego the extra school and find a way into a job that pays the same in the end but requires less actual work. This is what's happening to the socialized medical systems today in Canada and the UK. Because prices are fixed for consumers, providers, that is drug companies and doctors, have little incentive to go into business there at all. Fixing the cost damages the regular supply and demand action that takes place and the industry has failed to grow with the increasing demand. In both of these countries they have resorted to rationing. Medical care is basically free and available to everybody, but because there are not enough providers people are forced to wait for, in some cases, as long as six months for basic care and longer for certain critical items. This continues to get worse until governments try to lower the amount of care provided, as is happening in Germany accompanied by large scale protests, or raise taxes further to fund health care, as is happening in places like France and Sweden.
5. Bail out/collapse/dictatorship Socialism cannot last forever. Eventually the decline stage reaches a breaking point and something happens. Fortunate countries are bailed out. Somebody, usually the United States, dumps a great deal of money into the country to prop up its socialist institutions. They can then continue to toddle along until the next inevitable collapse or bail out situation.
Another option and probably the most desirable of a bad lot is collapse. The system simply folds and there is no more social organization. People eke out an existence in anarchy until some more concrete system comes along. If the rule of law can be established it usually turns into a capitalist economy. In the absence of law the system degrades. This is essentially what happened at the end of the Roman Empire. Roman socialism and law collapsed and until laws could be established again the best they could do was a Feudal Barter system. Eventually the barbarians were repulsed and assimilated and law was established. Commerce made a dramatic recovery and capitalism reasserted itself again. In the meanwhile we had the Dark Ages; a thousand years of misery and fear that represents the price of the first experiments with a welfare state.
The third possibility is a dictatorship. The erosion of economic freedoms leads in almost all cases to the loss of political freedom. A number of times in history in order to forestall a collapse a society has completely ceded its political freedom and allowed a dictator to rule them. The results are typically tragic. Joseph (Iron Joe) Stalin came to power in essentially this way. Another fun guy, Adolf Hitler got his start from socialism. After WWI the Germans developed the Weimar Republic. The Weimar republic was very in tune with the ideals of socialism. Instead of allowing a collapse that government, when it ran out of money, simply printed more, essentially an effort at self bail out. The actual result was rampant inflation. The depressed Germans turned to the National Socialist, or Nazi, party to bail them out again. Hitler took over as absolute dictator proceeded to ravage Europe for about a decade.
That's about all for now. I'd be happy to field questions. If you have any questions either leave a comment at the end of this post or e-mail me at DJDuk (at) DJDuk (dot) com.
Posted by DjDuk at 02:43 PM | Comments (2)
November 12, 2004
Writer's Block
The inability to write something or the inability to write something coherent. While writer's block can certainly strike here at DJDuk's we would certainly never resort to cheap tricks to get around it.
Posted by DjDuk at 11:44 AM | Comments (0)
November 11, 2004
Cheating
The most effective way to win. Cheating involves bypassing, bending, breaking, or, most enjoyable, trampling the rules. If others are not cheating they'll say you've made the game less fun. Having made the game less fun you've won already.
However, if more players are cheating then there becomes a second simultaneous game of being the better cheater. That makes things more fun, which delays the winning, and prolongs the fun. So, in short, cheat.
Posted by DjDuk at 02:43 AM | Comments (611)
November 10, 2004
Winning
The process that occurs at the end of any game that makes playing no longer fun. People play games because they're fun. When the fun stops, the game stops. A game typically stops once somebody has won. Thus, its winning that kills the fun.
Posted by DjDuk at 11:44 AM | Comments (599)
November 09, 2004
Fry Sauce
Fry sauce. What can I say about fry sauce? For those of you who don't know, fry sauce is a combination of roughly equal parts mayonaise, ketchup, and mustard blended together and used for dipping. I first learned of the existance of said fry sauce when I was a lowly fry jockey at McDonalds. Apparently some McDonalds throughout the Midwest have this premixed and available for dipping. I usually make my own fry sauce when I eat at Steak Escape in the local mall. For some unknown reason this particular mixture of condiments horrifies poor DJ Duk. I am fairly certain that DJ Duk likes all of these condiments indivdually and possibly in groups of two. But for some reason when combined he believes they form some kind of unholy trinity of tasty goodness.
Posted by Ripley at 11:44 PM | Comments (10)
November 08, 2004
Boredom pt 3
On occasion at work I get quite bored. This sort of thing is the result. I'll post whatever response I get as soon as I get one.
==============================
Dear Sir or Madam:
I recently had the opportunity to sample your "Wild" Cherry Pepsi. Needless to say the experience was extreme. While it was, on balance, enjoyable, there were a few detractors that I feel compelled, as a concerned customer, to make you aware of. The primary concern was that as I took my first sip I was wholly unprepared for the unbridled savagery of the cherry flavor.
As such, I have a pair of suggestions in regard to that product. First, it may be beneficial to provide a warning on each can and bottle of "Wild" Cherry Pepsi advising the average consumer that a truly powerful experience awaits them. While "Wild" was clearly printed on the exterior of the bottle I purchased it failed to protect or adequately warn me of the gut-shaking, visceral experience of the carbonated beverage contained within. A more serious warning that looks less like a marketing slick might be more appropriate. I would suggest a clearly outlined message in a "serious" font warning potential imbibers that an intense, and possibly distressing, taste sensation awaits them.
Secondly, it may be a good idea to offer a slightly more "tame" cherry flavored cola. While the "Wild" style has a certain appeal I, and many of my associates, would be hard pressed to maintain the fortitude and courage it would take to tackle this particular concoction day by day. While I might like to challenge its unique cherry beast on the weekends I doubt I would be able to take the time necessary to perform the duties of my job and also confront this towering cherry soda.
Except for those minor points I very much enjoyed my first taste of "Wild" Cherry Pepsi and look forward to many liters of sugary fruit flavor inspired pleasure.
Sincerely,
Steven Vanderburg
Posted by DjDuk at 11:44 PM | Comments (603)
November 07, 2004
Le
An article of the French language. You can tell a word is French if it's preceded by "Le". For instance, "Le scarf" is French for "the scarf". French is a deceptively simple language.
Posted by DjDuk at 12:50 PM | Comments (609)
November 06, 2004
This site of mine
I've gone back and read through all of the posts on the site in an effort to see what can be learned by reading DJ Duk's "thoughts." What I've realized is that I need to read and respond to the comments more often. The comments on this site come in four categories.
1. Bailey: Mr. Bailey, quite rightly, occasionally feels compelled to respond to the various outrages I perpetuate against him. He even gets a good zing in every once in a while.
2. Normal People: On occasion some poor person stumbles on this site and finds something they feel like commenting on. Their comments have not been read until today and I expect many of the people never return. I've reluctantly included Jess's one comment in that category as I'm far too lazy to add a fifth category just for her.
3. Gay Porn: Somehow my site will occasionally get hit by an automated system trying to sell gay porn or online gambling. I'd like to think I have readers in those communities who honestly want me to view their work in return but it seems unlikely. I have yet to find a way to blame these posts on Bailey but I'm working assiduously.
4. DJDuk: May own attempts to answer the questions of others and my responses to some of the very few Ripley posts. The typical DJ Duk fare but I invite anybody interested to track them down and read. It can help make sense of my otherwise inchoate ramblings.
The point to all this is if you're going to comment on a post maybe drop me an email so I notice. Unless you're selling gay porn.
Posted by DjDuk at 02:00 AM | Comments (4)
November 05, 2004
Civics
I've had several instances of people asking me to explain how the American government works. I've bravely fought off the urge to cynically make cash register noises in response and so, to save time, I thought I'd throw a brief civics lesson on the site.
The Constitution. The Constitution is the document that establishes the existence of a national government of the sovereign but United States. It's also too long to type so understand that C=Constitution. The Constitution spells out the rules for the government's division into three branches, how the officers of those branches are selected, and what each branch is supposed to do. It also spells out the basis of the checks and balances system that, at least in theory, allows one branch of government to counter abuses of power in others. The basic idea is that one part of the government can't overstep its boundaries because the other two portions were designed with the power to stop them.
The C is a fixed document and stands as the highest law of the land. The C is not unchangeable however. It also contains rules for its own modification. To change the constitution a law called an amendment must be passed in the national government and then ratified by a two\thirds majority of the state assemblies. People on the left like to refer to the constitution as a living document, arguing that the amendment process and the interpretation of existing amendments should be very easy and wide open to allow the will of the people to be better expressed. They usually drop the subject when somebody mentions a defense of marriage amendment. The first ten amendments to the constitution were passed almost at the same time as the document itself was being considered. These amendments make up the "Bill of Rights," a specific list of the things the government is forbidden to do. It's like the Ten Commandments for politicians.
The Government the C provides for is divided into three branches. Traditionally the most important is the Legislative branch. The Legislative branch is a body of people that get together and spend more money than they have on things they don't really need. It's like a party but they carry it on C-Span. The legislative branch is composed of representatives from each state whose meeting is called Congress. Congress is composed of two separate bodies, the House of Representatives and the Senate. Each state sends a number of congressional representatives to the House based on its population. More people in a state means that state is better represented in the house. Representatives are elected for a two year term of service. Each state sends two Senators to congress as well. The Senate exists to provide an equal voice for states with smaller populations.
Congress' job is to make laws. Anything the Government wants to do needs to be made into law by the Congress. Something Congress is considering making into a law is called a bill. According to the C a bill must be passed by both the House and the Senate before it becomes a law. Congress has also made up some of its own rules about bills being passed by specific committees and rules of order in speaking and all sorts of other procedural garbage that makes C-Span so damned boring to watch most of the time.
One of the most important abilities of Congress is to suggest changes to the C called Amendments. An Amendment operates just like a law. It bumbles through all of the arbitrary stupid Congressional rules and eventually is passed by the House and the Senate. After that instead of just being a law the States need to approve it. Each State is asked their opinion and if two thirds agree the Amendment is added to the C.
The Second branch of the Government is the executive branch. Essentially the purpose of this branch is to enact and enforce the laws congress passes. The Executive branch is also charged with foreign relations and with national defense. The executive branch supervises most government agencies. The head of the Executive branch is the President. In order to accomplish his job the President is given the power to issue executive orders. The specific authority of executive orders is a bit vague. A strong President can usually do as he pleases, a weak or unpopular President can have his executive orders overturned by Congress or by judges.
One of the devices make to make this run more smoothly is the Cabinet. The Cabinet is a group of people (called Secretaries) who the President divides out his work to. Each Secretary leads a department which may be small or which may control many government agencies. There are more departments than is particularly interesting (despite what Ripley may think) but some of the most prominent are the Department of Defense, the State Department, and the Treasury Department. The Department of Defense is the group of civilians in the government that supervise and control the military on the President's behalf. The Secretary of Defense makes routine decisions about how the military operates and who it kills and advises the President on more important decisions.
The State Department is responsible for foreign policy. They maintain relations with the leaders of other countries, they maintain information about other countries, they send ambassadors around the world to represent the Government, and they (traditionally) are responsible for spying and finding out the secrets of other countries. It is generally assumed that because foreign policy is one of the main jobs of the executive branch that the Secretary of State is the most powerful Cabinet official.
The treasury department issues government bonds (no Bailey, I won't explain what a bond is. This is the Civics lesson. If you're good we'll see about a financial markets lesson around Christmas time. At the rate I'm going that could be the next post.) tracks the national debt, and operates the IRS. The IRS or Internal Revenue Service is the tax collection arm of the Government. When you pay taxes, they pick it up. In medieval England Tax collectors would ride around with a thick board down the back of their shirts to stop the arrows inevitably launched at them by upset citizens who felt their tax money was poorly spent. Not much has changed, although I don't recommend attacking IRS agents, its like shooting the messenger. The IRS doesn't make the rules or determine how much they are supposed to steal from and from whom. Rather Congress will pass a law and the IRS (a division of the Executive branch of Government) collects it.
The Third Branch of Government is the Judiciary. The Judiciary is responsible for interpreting the C, determining if a law or executive order violates it, and settling disputes from a Constitutional prospective. Generally the Judiciary operates a bit like the Justice League; they sit around and wait until somebody calls for help. Once an issue has been brought the judiciaries attention a Federal Judge (Like the Flash) takes over. Federal Judges try Federal criminal cases and also, much more frequently, make decisions on whether a local (i.e. state) law violates the C or some other Federal mandate. Nobody is ever happy with the decision of a Federal Judge, so they also have to keep arguing. When somebody thinks the Judge made a mistake they appeal the decision to a Federal Appeals court. The Judge in this court (He's like the Green Lantern) examines the previous decision and decides to uphold or overturn it. But wait, there's more! Since people are rarely finished arguing by the time an Appeals Court makes its decision they have a Supreme Court (Superman, or maybe Batman). The Supreme Court is the highest court in the United States, thus, Supreme. The Supreme Courts favorite tactic is to ignore people. Most of the cases they are asked to review they ignore instead. In that case the last courts ruling stands. Once they bother to listen to a case they also decide to overturn or uphold the previous verdict. Once the Supreme Court rules the opportunity to argue is limited. Despite the plainly written text the C actually says whatever the Supreme Court says it says. If the Supreme Court decides against you your law is not supported by the C and your only chance is to change the C (See amendments in the Legislative branch).
That should cover the basics of the National Government. Going through I can see I've used a lot of terms without defining them so if there are any questions please comment.
Posted by DjDuk at 02:50 AM | Comments (98)
November 04, 2004
Jacques Chirac
Dubbed "Le Worm," which I assume to be French for "the worm," Jacques Chirac is the President of France.
France has gotten a lot of bad press recently in the US and it seems to be due largely to Mr. Worm and his government. I'd like to state right now that I bear no grudge against the French. I would say that, but it'd be a damn dirty lie. We don't lie here at DJDuk, we invent, there's a difference. All that aside, most of the problems I have with the French today are related to Chirac or his more immediate cronies.
Chirac is the closest thing in the world to a genuine supervillian. He's in a mad dash to collect personal power, both in France and in the EU. Wormy's goal seems to be sole domination of an EU bent on eventual world take over. Also, his laugh is maniacal.
Posted by DjDuk at 11:14 PM | Comments (617)