August 05, 2005
Hearing Issues
I feel it is my duty to report a strange behavior in humans I have noticed lately. When ever I say "I don't like people" (because I really don't) people hear something completely different. They hear "I don't like other people." The fact of the matter is if I liked someone in the room when I said "I don't like people" I would make the exception right then and there. I think this might underscore the fact that other people need to feel loved. Me? I don't understand what that word means.
Posted by at 03:02 PM | Comments (617) | TrackBack
August 04, 2005
Bailey on Bailey
I have decided to respond to all the things said on this sight, with my own post, from Bailey about Bailey.
Let's begin, there are only two things one really needs to know about me.
1st I am really quite simple.
2nd I am very traditional.
My one real quest is to try and understand people, because I really can't relate to them. They do all sorts of weird things, like fall in love, get all upset when someone they know dies but don't bat an eye when hundreds of people they don't know die, eat and drink poison because it makes them feel good and almost never take any responsibility for anything they don't like but can control in the world around them.
I first started to notice these things when I was 14, in my first real social experience with my pears (yes this first happened when I was 14). They got into these little groups (known to me later as clicks) and had little interaction with other groups. They just stayed to themselves. I was not welcome in these groups because either I didn't go to their school or because I was new or because I lacked the social graces they had. It didn't matter why, but at first I was mad and hurt that I was not accepted. About 30 seconds latter I though "Hey, if I'm not welcome then I will just sit back and watch the interaction between these groups". I thought this was a lot of fun, and very interesting. Little did a know there was a whole field of study that focused on just that, Sociology. Now I study Sociology and still wonder about human behavior, and Duks.
I now realize that this post is very log and not funny at all. Well, I will try harder next time to make it more amusing.
Posted by at 04:22 PM | Comments (3)
August 03, 2005
Mr. Bailey
In the interests of fairness Ripley and I have decided to allow Bailey a public voice in this forum. Given that so much of our content is dedicated to what might be described as good natured ribbing toward him (character assassination is such a harsh term) it seems only fair to allow him a chance to respond in a more formal way than the comments he frequently leaves. As such Bailey has written two posts. One to serve as an introduction and one sharing his views on the general population. In typical DJ Duk fashion I have Mr. Bailey's posts formatted, edited, and ready to post. I have not posted them because I don't know how to do it. This is standard operating procedure. What's nice is that I can blame this incompetence on Mr. Bailey since he is at least peripherally involved. Bad Bailey.
Posted by DjDuk at 11:44 AM | Comments (574)
August 02, 2005
In response to Mr. Bailey, dead mammals
Mr. Bailey responded to my post of August 1st with this:
"After reading this post I really don't know what to say. I don't like people (Read my up-coming post) but...well, now that I think about it. I was all shocked by Duk's post and ready to say "he's gone to far!"...but now that I think about it. I'm all for blowing your self up as long is you don't hurt me doing so. So you'll be stuck in a PG rated dating sim for the rest of time, who cares! You helped achieve victory agents the evil empire (and the rebellion might give you a gold metal). People kill them seal's all the time (and for all you smug little hypercritical fools out there, I'm talking about smoking and taking drugs, as well as a more direct approach) and at least you look cool doing so, more so then the old jump off the bridge tactic.
So now we are both on the government watch list I'm going to watch for the black helicopters!"
In a typical DJ Duk response I miss the point and reply as follows:
For a man who doesn't know what to say you said quite a lot Mr. Bailey. Of course, not too much of it made sense.
Okay Bailey, explain, "People kill them seal's all the time..." I'm not sure what clubbing baby seals has to do with this, but I'm almost positive nobody has ever harmed a seal with drugs or cigarettes. Also, except in Alabama its, "people kill seals all the time," no additional pronoun is required since the noun itself appears clearly. I'll ignore the apostrophe, but you owe me one.
Now that you've mentioned it I feel challenged to take a stab (figuratively) at a seal with cigarettes. There are a number of problems with "smoking" a seal to death. Lung cancer is probably too inconclusive for me to count a real kill against a seal. Also, I don't know who I'd need to go to for a seal autopsy to prove it's my doing. Plus duct taping a cigarette into a seal's mouth still isn't gonna keep it lit when he goes under water.
Second hand smoke is right out. If I could convince one seal to smoke the peer pressure would take care of the rest for me but there's just no evidence of seals smoking. A google search of "Seal Smoking" returns this page which is useful as an almost categorical listing of logical fallacies. Another link on the same search lead to a California state park which mentions that seals are present and smoking is prohibited. Perhaps second had smoke has been tried before?
Posted by DjDuk at 02:53 AM | Comments (6)
August 01, 2005
Mohammed's bait and switch
I've spent a great portion of the weekend reading up on Islamic terrorism. A number of the things I've come across focus on why Islamic militants hate the United States. There are a lot of theories about it, running the gamut from "we deserve it" to "they're evil crazy people." One common thread that's mentioned by both sides of that argument is that the young men who are blasting themselves to bits will benefit from the presence of 72 houris after their "Martyrdom."
For those of you with less free time than me (that's all of you except Ripley, who managed to buy somebody else's free time on E-Bay through a process that still perplexes me) a houri is a female spirit from Islamic Heaven, usually described as a beautiful virgin. Supposedly any Muslim that offs himself by becoming a holy hand grenade is rapidly moved to Heaven where he is given a nice house, 80,000 regular servants, and double handful of eager houris to occupy his now ample (even more than Ripley) free time. He presumably gets to spend his days in luxury cavorting with his new harem. While the Koran fails to spell out a specific day by day plan it's not too hard to imagine a typical young man's preference.
And that's the rub, pardon the pun. One of the tenets of Islam is that Heaven, when achieved, is perfect and unchanging. In a premise very similar to the Christian ideal Heaven is a "Land of Milk and Honey" forever unchanging in absolute perfection. Which leads to a problem for any stick of Muslim dynamite that blasts his way into Heaven (its like building a tunnel really, use more explosives get to the other side faster, right?). His houris have been waiting for him in Heaven where they are already a part of this unceasing perfection. They, by the time Sparky arrives, are part of his unchanging perfect eternity. Since they start out as "beautiful virgins" no matter what they decide to do for eternity they are going to remain beautiful virgins.
That probably takes some of the appeal out of having them around; at least it would cool my ardor for self immolation. Not that its all bad, 72 industrious Muslim women could probably make a lot of sneakers in a sweatshop environment, if there is in fact a need for additional Nike's in Heaven. Also, our lucky terrorist will never lack for somebody to play board games with. Regardless I think the number of suicide bombers might decrease if the truth was revealed and the pitch line was changed to "blast yourself into an eternity of Checkers and frustration."
Posted by DjDuk at 02:25 AM | Comments (2)