August 28, 2006
Where can I get such wonderful toys?
All I have to say is, "Hoo-ahh!!"
Posted by Ripley at 09:19 AM | Comments (29) | TrackBack
August 23, 2006
More Wisdon
No I don't mean wisdom; wisdon is a sort of cheap plastic version of wisdom available at Walgreen's. I have plenty of wisdon, and as such I'm pleased to assist another of my loyal readers.
Dear DJ Duk,
I have a great recipe for Peking Duk that I want to
try. I need to find some large Duk breasts for this
recipe, but am having a hard time tracking them down
(and I keep getting slapped!). Do you have any sickly
friends that I could hook up with? I will make sure
they are treated humanely until the end.
Yours,
Kung "Pao" Johnson
Oh Pao,
This is bad Pao, very bad. You keep getting slapped? That's weak. You wanna seize the breast you're gonna have to be ninja fast. Not speedy, not regular fast, not even the mythical 'fast hands' will do. Ninja Fast. Now I know what you're thinking. Ninja Fast is a damn lot of work. You'll spend time dodging raindrops until you don't get wet in the rain. You'll spend days on end playing keep away with some old Chinese bastard who calls you 'grasshopper.' You may even have to train against the raging sea. It's hard.
Well it's worth it Pao. When you finally lay hands on that succulent Duk breast, when you shape your Peking Duk with your own hands, when you savor your first bite of fresh tender meat and sigh at the smooth, fulfilling, flavor you'll know it was worth any amount of training that made no sense.
Now Pao, I know you're thinking this method is too hard. I know you're thinking that because you asked me to find you "a sickly friend." That isn't right Pao, and you know it. You don't want just any Duk. You want a prime Duk breast, something to be proud of. Something you'd see in a photograph. Like on the Food channel. Face it Pao, you need to be Ninja Fast.
You'll thank me.
DJ Duk
Posted by DjDuk at 11:44 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
August 22, 2006
Chairman Kaga
Chairman Kaga is without a doubt the scariest thing on TV. I know this because I woke up at 2am yesterday and, unable to get back to sleep I turned on the TV. Seeing the Chairman clutch a pear in his lacey grasp and mug at the camera virtually guaranteed I would get no sleep. People say what you eat affects your dreams and maybe some remnant of that process is what turned the Chairman into a fey monster from the blackest depths of Liberachi's imagination. Either way, every time I close my eyes I'm treated to his ghastly leer. Last night it prevented me from sleeping, today at work it does the same. And despite the death’s head grin of this jabbering madman I still really want some of the Cod Roe, because damn it looked good on TV.
Posted by DjDuk at 11:44 AM | Comments (572) | TrackBack